The Chronicles of Rick Sensei: The Dalai Lama and I

It was a few years ago when the America’s cup was on and the telecom companies were putting new telecoms communication lines in Queen st every few months, and they refused to put then in the same trench with each other on the grounds that an other company may see what color wires they were using.
Twice we had stopped workmen from starting up their concrete cutting machines outside our Tanuki Japanese sake bar at 6.30 pm with threats that if they didn’t stop immediately my 5 foot tall Japanese waitresses would turn the fire hose on them…this plus a urgent phone call from the mayor’s office sent them on their merry way.

Some time before we had a little Japanese judo girl come from Budo University in Japan to study English (which was very limited) and do judo so we put her up above the sake bar thinking that she would be more at home with all the staff around. Two days later she came to me and said that she had seen a ghost in her room and that she was moving out. Japanese being very superstitious people we didn’t tell any of the other staff and left it at that.
A year passed and l asked one other Japanese girl who was staying in the same room if she had seen any ghosts and she said yes! What form I asked ? A female shape was the answer. Further inquires revealed that the ground where all our buildings sit was a bank for the river which ran down Greys ave, so it was quite possible that the local Maoris used the high point for a burial ground in ancient times. When a third girl revealed that she too had seen a ghost upstairs and with business not good from the above [America’s Cup and road works] I decided that maybe the building should be exercised of ghosts and other unwanted items.
First I rang the city council as its was their building and inquired if any records showed peopled being killed or murdered there…drew a blank on that one so I asked “could we have the Auckland city Maori Tohunga [priest] for exorcisms?” This done he contacted me and suggested that as all the staff were Buddhists that using a Buddhist priest would be best. Hmm! that wasn’t much help.
So next low contacted the Catholic Church who do exorcisms all the time. “Yes” was the answer but it would cost $200. On the grounds that I pay my taxes I politely declined. Next, I let my fingers do the walking, yellow pages, Buddhists for hire. The 1st two drew a blank, but the 3rd was more helpful. Was I genuine? she asked (because some nasty peopled had poked fun at Buddha…like Buddha sticks, coffee bars etc… “No! no! this was genuine a enquiry” I said and explained the situation to her, to which she agreed to enquire on our behalf and would contact us again when she had made contact with the lama.
A week went by and no telephone call and I had just about given up when she rang back. “Sorry for the delay” she said “the lama had been out of town.” So quick as flash I asked if they didn't have “a dial a lama,” to which she asked “what did I mean?” Dial a lama , you know telephone etc.. “Ohh” she said, not very impressed with my quick wit, and then she said “don't contact us! we will contact you.” So I was back to square one, a Maori ghost running around scaring my Japanese staff.
Next, I explained the situation to Judy my rather large sake bar manager at the time and she said , “well! I believe in the supernatural and I so happen to know someone who does exorcism.” “Ohh!” I said “how much this would cost?” “Nothing” was the reply as “they are only part-time workers.” Well in that case I said “lets give then a try.”
They were contacted and agreed to come the next Tuesday at 6 pm. The appointed day arrived and we were introduced and they asked where the ghosts had been sighted. So l took them upstairs and showed them where to which they replied “Yes! We can feel it.” So l left them to it. An hour later, after much chanting, they came down and said the ghost was gone and would not come back. I had thought of asking for a written guarantee but left it at that. l offered them some Japanese food and drink to which they politely declined and took some sushi.
The morale of the story is that the ghosts never came back, nor did the telecoms and business has been going up ever since.