NZ Dan Commission Scandal!

Kong was amazed to witness an impressive display of technical expertise at the 2009 National Judo Champs.
At the end of the tournament, as tradition dictates, an opportunity was provided for senior Dan grades to demonstrate the kata .
A black belt from Gisborne put on a wonderful display of the Go Shin Jitsu. Unfortunately he forgot the defences against unarmed strikes.
Not a problem, the NZJF Dan Grading Commission complimented the aforementioned black belt on his achievement and offered him a silver medal for the second best kata display that day. Feeling disappointed in himself and concerned about the technical competence of the people grading him the back belt pointed out that he had forgotten a whole section of the kata.
There was mumbling and shuffling of feet and on checking their marking sheets they found that according to the sheets the punching techniques had been done. Kong can only speculate on what was said but through the magic of satirical re-construction we can present the following summary:
Dan Commission (DC): Well done. Very well done here have another dan. Have a silver medal. We just wanted to say that this is one of the best examples of Go Shin Jitsu we have seen…
Black Belt (BB): But I forgot to demonstrate a whole section!
DC: What? Never! We are the technical experts
BB: No honestly I forgot the unarmed strikes
DC mumbling to each other:
DC 1: Are there strikes in the Go Shin Jitsu?
DC 2: Yeah there are
DC 1: What! I didn’t think we hit each other in Judo?
DC 3: Yeah Go Shin Jitsu came in 1956. So I’m pretty sure that we have been able to hit people since at least then
DC 1: Oh that explains it how silly of me. You have to remember. I haven’t been on a Judo mat since 1952!
DC 2: So what are we going to do?
DC all together: Instead of grading you to fifth dan. We have decided that based on the high level of technical expertise demonstrated in the bits that you did do we are going to grade you to sixth dan and still give you the silver medal – Just don’t tell anyone about this little mistake
BB: I can’t do that
DC: Shhhhh don’t be too loud you might wake up the audience. It’s just lucky that there are only two homeless judo bums are here at the moment. They are sleeping off their hangovers. Luckily, their cauliflower ears mean they are hard to wake up, but if you go on protesting like this they might find out and tell someone about your mistake.
BB: My mistake?????
DC: Yes don’t forget you were the one that forgot to do a whole section of the kata
BB: You wouldn’t have even known if I didn’t tell you!
DC: A minor technical inconvenience – You know how sometimes when you are judging kata you don’t really watch whats happening because you are talking to each other. The important thing to remember is that WE are the technical experts not you.
BB: No I have always taken grading people pretty seriously
DC: Shhhhh that one with the beard from Wellington looks like he is waking up. Listen we’ll do you a deal – How would you like to be seventh Dan? Just play along and I’m sure that we can find you a nice job somewhere would you like to be the NZ Coach? No…. we have better idea how about coaching the NZ Women’s Team (the panel nudges and winks) lots of trips and don’t worry, if there are any nasty rumours about inappropriate behaviour, they will be investigated and found to be “unsubstantiated” yuk yuk
BB: But that’s not right what about the principles of Judo and the integrity of the NZJF as a technical body
The bearded judo bum yawns, stretches, farts then rolls over in the empty stands
DC: Look the audience might wake up soon so this our final offer we’ll give you the gold medal, an eighth dan, six steak knives, a partridge in a pear tree and you can be the newly appointed Technical Director responsible for checking the quality of catering at NZJF Tournaments. This is a very important job as you know the NZJF places great weight on the quality of catering for officials. It must be both free and filling.
Another judoka fart from the almost empty stands echoes around the hall
BB: No I don’t want any of that. I just want to know why I’m here being graded by people that don’t know the kata – I’m out of here
DC: What, what you can’t do that we are the technical experts – we are the technical experts – WE ARE THE TECHNICAL EXPERTS ……..When’s lunch? More importantly is it free?
The most senior dan grade present was Jim McPhee.